"Ask The Right Questions" by Debbie Ford 

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Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life

  • Use thepower of questions to get the results you want.

  • Quality questions create a quality life.

  • Asking either/or questions bypasses the intellect/critical factor and the answer comes from your unconscious/higher self.

  • The Right Questions penetrate your denial system and wake you up. 

  • They are designed to be carried with you and used as a simple everyday tool before you make a choice.

  • Your choices can start to come from your vision and dreams, not your fears or doubts.

  • It's vital to keep your vision foremost in your mind.   

"None of us are given visions for our lives that we can't fulfill – whether it's having a healthier body or loving relationship or a more satisfying job or making a difference in the world.  If we didn't have the ability to fulfill an authentic desire, we wouldn't have the desire in the first place.  Our souls wouldn't yearn for the experience, and we wouldn't continue to long for it year after year." 

Instead of asking, “How do I feel about this”, you would ask, “Will this choice bring me closer to my highest vision for myself?” 

In other words, our VISION MAP, not our mood should be our guide! 

Exposing our underlying commitments empowers us to see what is really going on in our inner world and why we are not getting the results we way we want.   

Our underlying commitments are the discrepancy between what we say we want and what we’re actually experiencing, e.g. we want to lose weight, build wealth, create a committed relationship etc. but none of these results are apparent in our life yet.  

Underlying Commitment Exercise:  

  1. Write down a goal or desire that you have not yet attained. 
  2. List all the actions you have or have not taken in the past year that are in direct opposition to the goal. 
  3. Look to see what commitment those choices are in direct alignment with – there you will discover your underlying commitment.


Underlying Commitment Examples:


Current results

Possible underlying commitment

You long for discipline & structure.

Your life is chaos.

You are more committed to being a free spirit.


Current results

Possible underlying commitment

You want love & intimacy.

You keep choosing incompatible partners and end up alone.

You are more committed to the fact you can’t trust anyone so it's easier to be alone.

You yearn for optimum health.

You continually overeat and/or consume foods with low nutritional value

You are more committed to receiving comfort.

Ask yourself: “What am I reallycommitted to in this moment?”


“If we want to know what our lives will look like in the future, we have to examine the choices we are making today. Most of us continue to make the same choices out of habit, comfort, fear, or laziness and then wonder why we don’t get different results.”


"Why do we continue repeating behaviors day after day that no longer serve us? Because, as Jim Rohn says, 'the joy of the moment wins out to the consequences of the future.'  Since many of our behaviors go unrecognized, not only by ourselves but also by those around us, we assume they just don't matter. But they do.  No action, no matter how small or seemingly inconsequential, goes unnoticed. Even if we think we're getting away with something, the universe knows the truth, and, deep down so do we."


We all have an internal flame that is the keeper of our life force. Each choice we make either ignites & feeds our inner flame, or dampens the fire. 

Imagine your only job in life is tending to that inner flame, keeping it vital and roaring. 


Choices that dim your light include all the should do’s and have-to’s, withholding communication, withholding success from yourself, being late, overspending, overeating and the list goes on. 

Choices that make your fire roar include playing, being with people who inspire you, honoring your word, spending your money wisely, going after your dreams, allowing others to contribute to you, being intimate with those you love, speaking your truth and so on. 

How strong is your internal flame?  Can it light up the sky? Does it light up those around you? Or do you struggle every day trying to figure out how to be more successful, get more love, more money, and a better body? 

Every time you make a new, empowering choice, every time you choose to turn your car around and head in the direction of your VISION, you will be inspired by yourself and feel your flame roar! 


The Right Questions 

1.  Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future… or will it keep me stuck in the past.

2.  Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment… or will it bring me short-term gratification.

3.  Am I standing in my power… or am I trying to please another.

4.  Am I looking for what’s right… or am I looking for what’s wrong.

5.  Will this choice add to my life force… or will it rob me of my energy.

6.  Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve… or will I use it to beat myself up.

7.   Does this choice empower me… or disempower me.

8.   Is this an act of self-love… or is it an act of self-sabotage.

9.   Is this an act of faith… or is it an act of fear.

10. Am I choosing from my divinity… or am I choosing from my humanity.


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Additional thoughts of Mari Smith: 

My two favorite questions: 

Q.1    Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past? 

This is a great one to start with to move through your “stuff”!! And to overcome all those addictions – sometimes referred to as “soft addictions", such as the internet, sugar, caffeine, TV, busywork, etc.   

You can make up your own either/or questions, e.g. "Do I want to spend time surfing the net or do I want to spend time writing my book?" "Do I want to have a healthy relationship or do I want to keep arguing?" "Do I want to eat this cake or shall I just apply it directly to my hips?" J


Q.2    Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification? 

This is a great one for those of us on the path to financial freedom. Do I want to allocate $5 on a mocha-frappa-whoppa-cino or do I want to allocate $5 to my financial freedom fund? 

"Extraordinary people make choices that are consistent not only with the highest expression of themselves but with the greater good of the world.  If you closely examine the people you consider to be extraordinary, you will find that they are committed to excellence, to making a contribution, to not settling, to setting an example for others, and to taking the high road." 

"By asking yourself the Right Questions and then taking the right actions you will make one extraordinary choice after another, choices that will allow you to become the person you were intended to be."


Review prepared by Mari Smith - 8.22.04 www.MariSmith.com